The flashback continues.... keep in mind that I had a whole, detailed closer in place....
which was completely eliminated. So, the end notes looked totally pussied out.
In WCW, we were still under Russo’s first regime. Kevin Sullivan hadn’t yet made his
move to ursurp the power. Makes for an interesting time to say the very least.
****************
Mop-Up Nitro:
-opens with the ending of 'E.R'....Dammit, why does Carter have to be such a screwup?
Why does Benton have to ride him so hard? THERE IS NO “I” IN “TEAM”
PEOPLE!!!!!!
-End credits...stay tuned for the “Bad Boys” of Monday Nitro...and unlike that song from
the 80's and from “Three Men and a Baby”, they make NOBODY “feel so good.”
-WCW Logo....Schwarzenegger is too much of a ***** to fight THAT.
-Backstage, Jeff Jarrett walks out from behind a curtain and loudly speaks about being
“the chosen one”, this being “his time”, and tonight, he's taking matters “in his own
hands”....just who the Hell is he talking to anyway?
-screen goes black for a loooooong time.....except for the corner graphic that says TV14
DLS. I can only assume that “DLS” stands for “Don't Listen to SCOOPS' .....(wow..I
knew I pissed them off, but never THAT bad)
-and if that don't make the cut.....
-screen goes black for a loooooong time.....except for the corner graphic that says TV14
DLS. I can only assume that 'DLS' stands for “Dumba$$ Little Show”
-see, I'm behaving, yet I'm also HAVING FUN WITH THIS.
-Opening theme. Since I doubt anybody bothered to tell them apart, I'm sure they can
keep AC Jazz in there for as long as they want. Nobody will tell the
difference.
-We are greeted by the voice of one Tony Schiavone, who screams, “WORLD
CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING!!!! BACK...AT'CHA...ONE MORE TIME!!!!” I, for
one, am listening to see if he sounds cautious.....perhaps a little scared.
-They are in the Auburn Hills in Michigan....at the Palace....basically in Detroit. Yeah,
like there are palaces in Detroit.
-I know that Detroit is about to legalize gambling and build Casinos in the middle of
town. What the Hell is the Mayor smoking? I hear Detroit is basically a warzone with
restaurants. A Casino will REALLY bring in the family crowd.
-I thought gambling was already legal in Detroit? Every time you step out with money
you end up losing it all....as well as various female family members.
-great...now I'm doing Late Night talk show material. THE PRESSURE IS GETTING TO
ME!!!!!!
-The first angle out of the backstage is Bret Hart. the NEW WCW World Champion.
Which means he wasn't “screwed” out of anything at the PPV....which means that Russo
didn't script a delightful little angle that helps include WCW into the things he came up
with in the WWF....which makes this TOTALLY out of character for him.
-DAMMIT!!!! WHEN I THINK OF NOVEMBER, I THINK OF 3 THINGS!!!!
STUFFING MY BELLY WITH SO MUCH TURKEY THAT MY BALLS SWEAT
GRAVY, BOOTING THOSE NATIVE AMERICANOS INTO BARREN DESERT
PLOTS THAT COULDN'T GROW A WEED, AND SCREWING SOME CANADIAN
PAGAN SO HARD THE TIP OF MY WEE WEE COMES OUT BROWN!!!!!!! GOD
BLESS AMERICA AND PASS THE STUFFING!!!!!
-Clips from “Mayhem”. I actually saw the PPV, the first WCW PPV I've seen in quite a
while. What a good show. I was impressed.
-It wasn't excellent....but it was good....except that moron Kanyon returned. He wasn't
missed.
-Gee, think Bret'll cheer up now that he's the champ? Think he'll forget the past and focus
on the future?
-Bret opens his mouth and calls Vince McMahon a homo......sigh.
-DAMMIT BRET, GET OVER IT!!!!!
-BIG SIGN that reads, “EXCELLENCE OF EXECUTION= MASTER OF
MANIPULATION”......someone tell those Hicks who focused on that sign that it wasn't
exactly a compliment.
-Another BIG SIGN reads, “IT'S NOT REAL”.....well gee....clue me in on a new secret.
-Bret, “It's been a long two years! You know, I found myself not too long ago, talking to
myself and saying Why do I keep using the word 'myself' several times in the same
sentence?''
-He basically was glad he didn't retire, and he was going to be the best world champion
that WCW ever had....(yeah? NOT IF RONNIE GARVIN HAS ANYTHING TO SAY
ABOUT THAT????? BEWARE THE HANDS OF STONE, BRETTY BOY!!!!! JUST
BEWARE!!!!!!)
-He wanted to thank “all my fans that backed me up and supported me”...well you are
very much welcome Bret...I mean, who has been a bigger supporter than me?
-NOBODY!!!!!!! I have been with Bret since day 1......Owen jokes? What Owen jokes?
That wasn't me..that was another columnist....errm.......
-What fake Interview? It was all Gagnon!!!! (Haven't forgotten ya' Buddy!)
-Whatever happened to Sean Chea anyway? And how about 'H. Fab'? Or Dan Murphy?
Or Bambi Christina Weavil? WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BAMBI?????
-They all used to write for SCOOPS....waaaay back when I first started....in case you were
wondering.
-anyway....Bret dedicated the World Title to his 84 year old father at
home...unfortunately, Stu was too busy stretching the almighty Hell out of his paperboy at
the time to notice...”I told you to keep the damn paper OUT of the bushes!! Now pull
down yer pants, sonny!!!”
-Bret said that he was “going to do things right for a change”....then brought Shawn
Michaels out and laid down for the quick pin.....WHICH IS WHAT HE SHOULD HAVE
DONE TWO YEARS AGO!!!!!! TIME HONORED TRADITION BRET!!!! TIME
HONORED TRADITION!!!!!
-He then said that he was going to give Goldberg a shot at the belt...because he deserved
one....and because nobody has EVER chanted “BREEEETHART BREEEEETHART”
-The crowd popped..then Bret added that this match will take place at Starrcade....the
crowd booed. Nice to get them all hard...then dump them out of bed before
completion...THE SCREWEE BECOMES THE SCREWER!!!!!
-Hall and Nash come out acting like drunkards. Like college drunkards who don't give a
damn. Unfortunately, the last time THEY were in college, Socrates was still teaching
Philosophy.
-Hall said, “Hey Yo.” Then called Bret a “Canadian Hero”...and teased him for wanting to
stand for 'honesty, and dignity, and doing things the right way!” He raised his arm out to
accentuate the sarcasm...or to accentuate his buzz.
-Close up on Bret..who said, “So?”. I hate people who talk to themselves...PUT THE
MIC TO YOUR LIPS IF YOU WANT TO SAY SOMETHING DUMBARSE!!!!!!!
-Hall wanted him to know that he and Big Kev..don't care. Bret looked around and said,
“Well I do!”. Again, his mic wasn't involved.....WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO
BRET?????? THAT LOOKS SO FRIGGIN GOOFY!!!
-Hall talked a little more....then Nash got on the stick and said that just because Bret had
an iron on that called him the “Best”...don't make him the best....if that was the case, Nash
mused that he must be “Joe Boxer” tonight, Hall seemed exceptionally pleased with that.
Then Hall said that he must be “The Landing Strip” tonight....because he had a shirt on
that said “The Landing Strip” and showed a plane going towards a pair of women's legs.
-Of course..if shirts dictate who we are now, I guess for tonight, I must be Barbara
Steisand.
-Summing up, H & N challenged Bret and Goldberg for a match tonight. Bre accepted on
behalf of Goldberg, without asking him. Not to worry tho', Goldberg would NEVER
disappoint his millions of fans (most of whom were BOOING him at Mayhem Sunday
night....BOOING HIM AND CHANTING “GOLDBERG SUCKS, GOLDBERG
SUCKS!!!” It was so cool watching the big lug look around all confused that HE was
being booed.....HIM!!! HOW DARE THEY!!! HE'S THEIR HERO!!!! HE SIGNS
AUTOGRAPHS FOR ONLY $40 A POP. JOE DiMAGGIO CHARGED 5 TIMES
THAT AMOUNT)
-See, Canada gets it right every so often
-Now you know why I liked the PPV.
-GOLDBERG SUCKS, GOLDBERG SUCKS!!!! yeah baby
-Sign reads, “NASH IS MY DAD”.....don't doubt it for a second.
-Then Jarrett ran in. The Guitar almost broke before he connected with Bret 's
head....must have been the wind....that's right...the force was what splintered it.
-Jarrett got on the stick and called Bret 'slapnuts'. Then said that the belt belonged to him.
Then they played his music..which was Kid Rock's “Cowboy”....almost note for
note....yep, Jimmy Hart's worth every penny.
-Tony was wearing his ultra slick suits that he has now taken to wearing...I 'd say
something, but let's see how he behaves tonight before ripping into him. Bobby Heenan
was wearing....well.....he looks like he should be getting arrested by Sonny Crockett for
drug trafficking and smuggling Cubans into Miami
-Lots of matches on tap for tonight, including a Nitro girl match...Heenan made a
comment about how it'll be filled with ripping, tearing, scratching, and biting...and that's
just at the makeup table. It was cute.
-Tony went through the matches....succinctly and without much hype. Things are looking
promising.
-Looking like he already ran a huge bartab....Mike Tenay talked to Curt Hennig about
why the Heck is he doing there when he has been banned from WCW forever? Hennig
said that he had some friends that he wanted to say goodbye to....and McMahon wants
him to hand out his business cards a little.
-Then we see the Maestro playing his piano....BIG mistake boys...talent like that should
be saved for WORLDWIDE!!!! Don't waste him on this second rate Nitro crap.
-backstage, Konan and Kidman were busy talking about something. If even a smidgen of
logic was introduced into this nonsense, a shoeless Kidman would be bleeding from his
“poop chute” by now as Konan tried on his new pair of sneakers.
-We also see Steve Williams in the building along with....oh no. They really are going to
do it again.
-commercials
-Disco Inferno's...bookie? Talked to his two leg breakers, “Johnny Da Bull” and “Big
Vito” and proceeded to send Italian American stereotyping into the stratosphere. AND
I'M UNFAIR TO ETHNIC BACKGROUNDS????????
-Which one of them gets to bang Sophia Copolla?
-Sadly, I SWEAR one of them looked like Ken Shamrock.
-If Spike Lee saw this...he'd...he'd.......as God as my witness, I have no idea HOW he's
react.
-Lex Luger talked to the PTB.....somehow, Elizabeth and Meng was set up. Why is Lex
pissed at Liz?
-Liz saw this on TV and brought bad acting to the same stratosphere that those Italian
Stereotypes were currently residing.
-The Bodyguards of the Powers That Be (Be what exactly?) came out....Creative Control.
-Konan (oy) and Kidman came out....this was a world tag team title match...perhaps the
MOST IMPORTANT TAG TEAM BELTS IN THE WORLD.
-Tony confessed that he didn't know which Bodyguard was Gerald and which one was
Patrick...he then added that neither man wanted to be “Patrick”...which made me
laugh...come on...it was funny.
-I'll make it easy..the one called Patrick is the one who...who....oh nevermind....I know
nothing..I assume nothing....
-Kidman took his pre-requisite early bumps.....
-Then K-Dik was tagged..he did that rolling clothesline that I HATE....but the cameras
missed it...this is the best Nitro EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Then the NitroTron showed Torrie frolicking with Eddie G backstage, Kidman saw this
and freaked....no man alive could see what was happening from that distance. Kidman ran
off to, presumably, kick the little Hoo-waa around.
-Konan was left to fend for himself..which resulted in new tag champs.
-Eli and Jacob Bleu are the new WCW World tag champs.....I'd put this right up there
with a free OJ Simpson as one of the great tragedies of the 90's.
-Kidman found Torrie and attacked EDDIE(!?!?!?!?!) GOOD LORD MAN!!!! GROW A
SET WOULD YOU!!!!
-”I aint trunk Occiffer” Tenay talked to Bret Hart and Goldberg. Bret called everybody
“scum” and said little else. Goldberg said that Bret can take Jarrett tonight, and he'll
handle the Outsiders. Either in a handicapped or with a mystery partner. It took me all of
5 seconds to figure out who would be Goldberg's partner.
-commercials
-Some blonde tried to talk one of the Nitro girls out of fighting her colleague tonight.
The Nitro Girl said, “Look Hon, Russo's about to fire us anyway and I will NOT go back
to table dancing in Daytona Beach...I'm working this angle.”
Then she slipped her Diaphragm in her pocket.....looks like it's time for another contract
renegotiation.
-joke..I'm joking.....they are treated with DIGNITY AND CLASS......*cough*
-give me a break...IT'S WHAT I DO!! IT'S WHAT MAKES ME, “ME'”! SCREW YOU
REMY, LEAVE ME ALONE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!
-Hennig talked to Buff Bagwell and said goodbye. The Maestro played on.
-Norman Smiley came out dressed like Barry Sanders...no chance he'd quit, is there?
-Smiley got on the stic and said that he was the new Hardcore Champion....the fans
wasted little time in chanting “BORING, BORING”...God bless em.
-Smiley said that he was SO Hardcore, he drank milk that was two days passed the
“esperation”....(suddenly, he's channeling Scott Steiner)
-Then he told the “phreaks” that he was their “hook up” (Dear God...CALL A
PRIEST!!!!)
-He challenged anyone in the back to come out and take on the Hardcore Champ...
-So..Fit Finely came out and proceeded to beat the living snot out of Smiley....the fans
started to chant “NORMAN, NORMAN”..and booed Finely.
-I thought Finely was dead?
-apparently, I was not alone....lots of boos there....lots of yawns too.
-I have no clue who won...or if this was even a match...because they cut back to...
-Tony and Bobby...who made sound effects to signal that while they spoke, the ring was
still holding some RED HOT ACTION!!!!! THE PARTY NEVER STOPS IN
WCW!!!!!!!
-Tony announced that Bret Hart will fight Jeff Jarrett at the top of the hour. Heenan did
the majority of the hype...Tony was being cool as a cucumber.
-This segment was brought to you by “WCW Nitro for Men: The Fragrance, with No
Limits”...who the xxxx wants to smell like Meng anyway?
-”No Limits”..indeed.....there is no limit to the number of Friday nights you'll be banging
your hand while wearing this cologne.
-backstage, Lex told Liz that she's gonna do whatever they have planned for her because
she's a woman and every wrestler on the planet walks around shirtless with body oil on
because they hate their mommas and women in general....at least that's Al's theory. (sorry
Boss, but since I can't reference any other name for a loooooong while...you get stuck
with these things.)
-Cigar and post dinner Brandenay talks to Hall and Nash. Hall ain't scared of Goldberg,
and suggested bring in the Riot Squad. Nash said that gimmick didn't work, they were
both still speared. Nash said that they were still getting the band back together.
-commercials
-Saturn and Asya fought Evan Karagias and Madusa very briefly. The highpoint (not even
close really) was that Brad Armstrong came out and introduced a new “hippie” character
who was NOT about dope usage but WAS about using the word “dude” a lot. I
SWEAR...this almost brought me to tears...and not the “Ha Ha” kind either.
-You know...this is the dumbest sport on the Planet...it really is. Brad Armstrong is
suddenly a hippie now......all of the sudden...this redneck from Macon, Georgia....I
mean....COME ON
-Russo MUST have a plan..because this is Bischoff type of thinking.
-86ay talked to Kidman and Torrie....Guerrero's hornyness made it personal...meanwhile,
Torrie seemed fascinated by her toenails..(“Wow..they're like....different sizes!”)
-There's Vampiro and the Mifshits (can I even SAY that?).
-And there's Steven Williams and.....sigh...this is Tony's test. He acts up ONE TIME...and
we're gonna bury him again. (at least, I'll try to encourage you to bury him again....I can't
order you around like that)
-commercials
-“I demanded THREE Oliv”esnay talked to Eddie Guerrero...he called Kidman “el poco”
in the pants and said he'll fight anyone for a piece of that fine white meat.
-Vampiro came out with the Misfits.....I miss ICP and I am NOT ashamed to admit it.
-Berlyn came out with Herr Wall. Remember when Berlyn was getting Jericho-like
entrances?
-“Dr. Death” came out with the Ross imposter...officially named “Oklahoma” ....right off
the bat, he seems to have toned down the Bell's Palsy impression. Tony lightly chuckled
that they better get these plugs out of the way first.
-Williams used hand signals to told us to “Rock On”, then called us “The Devil”....hey
Doc...IF I HAD KIDS I WOULD AT LEAST PAY FOR THEM!!!!!!!!!!!
-of course...ahem.....he was cleared of all charges..it was not even his kid......I..I...I hope
he can laugh at this now.
-It was Vampiro vs the Wall...of course, the real story was Oklahoma.
-He got on the stic and noticeably toned down on the accent....basically, he was just a
normal guy until something happened in the ring..
-Example: The Wall bodyslammed Vampiro into the ring post....Oklahoma, “POSTED
HIM, POSTED HIM, POSTED HIM!!!!!”
-The Wall fought with all the Misfits, “IT'S A SLOBBERKNOCKER, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, IT'S A SLOBBERKNOCKER!!”
-I like it when he interrupts himself mid sentence to scream stuff...
-Tony asked him if he minded that he (Tony) would call this match. Okie said that Tony
could go right ahead, but he'll talk all over him because he was in the best in the business.
-”I want everyone to know that Dr. Death Steve Williams is gonna go through the entire
WCW Locker room like a xxxxx goes through a box of condoms” (Aww..now why bring
up ((Insert any female with big boobs who's associated with wrestling here...because I'm
being too closely watched to suggest anyone specific)) in such a fashion? HASN'T SHE
DONE ENOUGH FOR THIS SPORT???)
-Berlyn hit Vampiro with a “CHAIR, CHAIR, CHAIR!!'”
-The Wall had problems with this....he faced off with Berlyn. Berlyn slapped him. Okie,
“SLAP!! SLAP!!! SLAP!!!! SLAP!!!!”
-The Wall rolled up his sleeves...Okie inquired about who was Berlyn's father. Williams
whipped around and screamed, “NOT ME!!!!!!!”
-Next thing we know, Williams is tearing it up with the Misfits and Vampiro...Okie was
having a field day, “DOCTOR DEATH, DOCTOR DEATH, SLOBBERKNOCKER,
SLOBBERKNOCKER, THE MISFITS ARE DOWN, THE MISFITS ARE DOWN!!”
-And the REAL cherry on this sundae...”GOOD GOD, SOMEBODY STOP THIS!!!!!”
-It ended with Okie holding back Williams from Vampiro...
-Okay..break down time:
-Tony was cool about it....he definitely was affected by my e-mail campaign.
-Heenan needs a similar lesson, I think
-Ferrera took it down a few levels....which made it better. I was laughing. I'm sorry guys,
but it's a funny sketch.
-Now... on “another site” Russo gave an interview where he expressed shock that this
parody was well received on RAW, but criticized when used on Nitro. Here's the deal
Vince....I know that Ross has something of a bad rep in the real world, but on camera, he
is a beloved character whom the fans trust, and like. The fans, for the most part, have no
clue that he is vehemently disliked by some backstage, all they know is that he's a damn
good announcer who puts his emotions into the matches, plays off well with Lawler, and
has gone through some hard times in the past year. Sure, his down-home mannerisms are
hokey, but he works it well, and nobody can touch him. Plus, if it's done on WWF TV
and he plays off it, it signals his approval..it's safe. When it's done on Nitro, it comes off
as spiteful and cruel.
-Remember, Nash played Arn Anderson as a drunken old fart....the fans were just as
outraged. Now, imagine if RAW tried to parody Arn....the fans would freak.
-End of sermon. I would apologize for that little soapbox lecture, but I said I was through
with apologizing.
-But..I DO like the Oklahoma character now..I'm all for it.
-backstage, Jarrett is walking around with the World belt. Now we can plainly see why
Austin wouldn't play with him.
-Backstage, Liz locks herself up in a cage....if ALL women over 40 did that, think of what
a wonderful planet this would be! (all those hot babes running around.....ohhh momma.
Momma? MOMMA?? GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!! OH ICK..ICKY ICKICKICK)
-commercials....RAW IS ON!!!!!!!!!
-There's a Limo in the parking lot...suddenly, we hear an inhuman
“YAAAAAAAAAHHH” and VINCENT K MCMAHON SLAMS HIS RENT-A-CAR
INTO IT...MY GOD, NOW HE'S MAKING IT PERSONAL?????
-He runs out of his car with a ball bat, RIPS open the Limo door, screams, “COME ON,
LET'S PLAY THE GAME YOU SONAFA...”
-sees who's inside....takes a step back...looks around...says, “Oh sh**”.....mumbles an
apology..and gets the Hell out of there. Schiavone and Heenan are speechless.
-Jeff Jarrett comes out to Kid Rock's 'Cowboy'.....I hope Kid Rock sues them for millions.
-Y'know...I really miss Voodoo Chile...or Child
-Hell, I miss them both.
-Creative Control is with Jarrett. No Guitar.
-Bret Hart comes out. HE is rightful champion....HE never lost it...and NOW he wants
revenge. (Haven't we seen this before?)
-If Jarrett asks Bret if he's had any “Sunny Days”...I think Bret's head might explode.
-Bret goes right after Jarrett
-This lasts a while, then Jarrett sends Bret over the ropes...now Jarrett has little
-We see Grant Hill in the seats. He mouths, “Jordan sucks” into the camera...sure...NOW
he talks tough
-I miss Bill Lambeer....that white boy took NO guff. AND..he was the ONLY B-Ball
player EVER to get Larry Bird so steamed he threw down with him right in the middle of
a game.
-Hart ended up on the Announce table. Tony cowered in fear....but he didn't oversell it.
(Oh I feel so good now)
-This was as “Old School” as it gets...enjoy it.
-Tony, Grant Hill...LOOKS ON!!!!!!' (God....Allah....either one..I pray to you...keep his
arse SEATED)
-Dustin Rhodes showed up and knocked out Jarrett. Goldust, at one time..was THE most
reviled character in wrestling....the WWF gave Dustin EVERY CONCEIVABLE SHOT
at getting over...he got more pushes than almost ANYONE....Dustin has no business
knocking the WWF.
-and Goldust did NOT suck...remember the pop when he first came back to fight Val
Venis?
-Bret ended up winning. HBK still laughs at him.
-Backstage, Big Vito and Johnny Da Bull force the Maestro to play a little
Sinatra...(nothing wrong with that at ALL)......then proceeds to stomp a mudhole in Italian
Americana across the Country....Lord, I hope WCW never needs Union Labor.
-That's Ryan Shamrock with the Maestro!! Suddenly, SHE'S a commodity?
-Ohh...I'd still like to do her tho'....on all fours....from behind.....bang her head against the
wall a few times....
-Then DINF's bookie shows up. What followed was a comedy sketch so weak only Lorne
Michaels would have applauded.
-Luger was talking to Liz in a cage....sounds about right. Lex conjoled the key out of her
cage by promising to drop the Meng idea. Then changed his mind as soon as she handed
it over. You know, Women's Lib never quite recovered after Bo Derek wore cornrolls in
“10”.
-commercials
-Liz tried to get Sting to fight for her cause. Sting could not care any less. Sting doesn't
seem to be caring about much anything lately..does he?
-footage of this Filthy Animals drama that went down earlier.
-Kidman comes out with Torrie. Kidman is now P-whipped. Kidman deserves a beating
by real men all over.
-Konan brings out Eddie....Eddie is a REAL MAN DAMMIT!!!!!
-Well, the REAL man was attacked before the bell rang. Meanwhile, Tony said that the
Powers That Be had just fired Arn Anderson. I wonder if they had whoever delivered the
message to make that slashing sign across his throat when he handed it to him?
-Eddie kept pounding on Kidman until the Ref threatened to stop the match.
-Then a couple of those Revolution scamps came out and broke Konan's arm....(I love
those F-ing guys)
-Eddie ended up winning. Konan ended up down....there is nothing I DIDN'T like about
this segment
-Russo gave Creative Control some orders...
-Then Jarrett showed up and started yelling at CC
-Meng is there. His Afro was there too.
-Luger had a Fork Lift pick up Liz's cage.
-commercials
-Creative Control met up with Hacksaw Jim Duggan HOOOOOOOOOOOO
-Hacksaw now collects cans for nickels HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
-What will Hacksaw do with the money from the Cans? Pick up a HOOOOOOOOOOO
-Can I Buy You a Drinkay talks to Spice....she is MORE than just a name for a Porn
channel.
-Meng came out.....if you play his jibberish backwards, it says, “GO WITH GOD, GOD
IS GREAT!!”....amazing...and good for him.
-Liz is driven out in her cage..and it's place in the ring.
-Tony calls it a “shark cage” because there really is a shark circling around. then Meng
looks at the camera and says, “I AM NOT A FISH..I AM A MAN!!”
-Then John Tenta runs out and screams, “THAT'S MY LINE YA' COCONUT
HEAD!!!!!” He was escorted out.
-Luger tried to give Meng the keys. Meng attacked Lex..Sting came out and saved Lex,
then Sting opened the cage and walked out with Liz. Suddenly, I'm thinking that maybe
Sting SHOULD spend another 18 months in the rafters.
-Goldberg is talking to SOMEBODY in a dressing room....I'm guessing a Burning Bush.
-No..not a female private part with crabs...a REAL Burning Bush.
-There's the Limo
-commercials
-Hall and Nash are lounging about.
-Hacksaw Duggan and Maestro engage in some comedy. If THIS gets over a 6 rating, I'm
hanging myself...HOOOOOOOOOOOOO
-Lash Leroux comes out. I can no longer look at him without thinking of Jason Hervey
-Disco Inferno comes out. He is nervous about Tony Marinara and his two Paisanos.
-Speaking of which, they show up. Nobody even tried to explain how they are allowed
backstage.
-Leroux ended up winning. Vito and Johnny threw him out. Then they beat up DINF.
-This ain't the way of the Italians! WHERE ARE THE CHAINS? THE PIPES? THE
TUBES OF PEPPERONI????
-Mama Mia....next thing you know..they'll introduce their Sister..and she won't have a
mustache!!!!
-Lash saves DINF..then they roll Marinara in a bodybag. I thought DINF was reeking with
potential?
-outside...C and C were at the Limo...sniffing around.
-commercials
-Stuff with Creative Control, a couple of Cops, and the Limo.
-Russo is yelling at Hacksaw Jim Duggan about flooding his toilet this week. Russo
insinuates that he had a nasty little accident in his commode this week and gave Hacksaw
a Toothbrush to clean it with. Judging from the color of Hacksaw's teeth, this
DEFINITELY qualifies as a “Foreign Object”...HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
-Spice is out, dressed as a Schoolgirl
-Tigress is out, dressed as Carmen Electra
-I see nothing wrong with either's choice of attire.
-Spice snap mared Tygress....Tony acted as if she just cured Cancer
-They tussle, then Spice ends up holding her eye....then Sky shows up..the Ref stops the
match....Tygress and Sky attack Spice...Spice goes down..they mess up her face with
makeup..Spice is smiling....that was supposed to be Kimberly....Kimberly is smarter than
I gave her credit for.
-Vodka Gimletenay talks to Meng. The phrase, “When Meng speaks, people listen” is
heard.
-Meng, “Meng is no fool, he buys WWFE stock at 14 and sell at 25. Meng now can buy
Cable TV. Meng can now see what RAW does. Meng likes Cinemax at night. Meng feel
good all night long. Would you like to touch Meng?'
-Curt Hennig comes out. Nitro just went from a “feel good show” to a “somber occasion”.
Tony began the eulogy.
-Hennig hit the ring and thanked the crowd. The crowd gave him a standing ovation.
Now, if I were a TRUE WWF mark, I'd start yelling how THIS IS JUST AS BAD AS
THE TEN BELL SALUTE VINCE GAVE PAUL WIGHT'S DEAD FATHER!!! I'd be
wrong, but I'd say it.
-Of course, I'm NOT saying it.
-Meanwhile, the Limo door opens. IT'S ARN ANDERSON!!!! TIME FOR A LITTLE
PAYBACK FOR PEEING ON HIS SPOT TWO YEARS AGO!!!!!!!!!! HENNIG, YOU
NEVER SHOULD HAVE DISGRACED THE SIGNIFICANCE OF GETTING ARN'S
SPOT!!! TIME TO PAY THE PIPER BABY!!!!!!!
-commercials
-Hacksaw Jim Duggan ended up cleaning Russo's toilet with Russo's personal toothbrush.
Not a single speck of fecal matter could be seen. And why was Russo's toothbrush there
to begin with?
-Roddy Piper comes out...hooray?
-He gets on the mic. Time for a little cheap heat to get the fans going.
-He referenced the Lions and how Detroit doesn't need Barry Sanders....bingo...heat city
-now, here comes the antiquated pop reference to show how “hip” he is.
-“Nitro...WCW...don't need no stinkin' WRITERS!!!” (Yeah..let's just get Roddy to talk
for three hours, then fight for 5 minutes. They'll be pulling 0.2 shares across the boards)
-Piper said that the Writers don't get any female action....he said the same thing about the
NWO
-Then Piper's mic cut off....he went to another one..that was cut off too. He ran over to
Schiavone, who told him that the Powers that Be MADE the control room cut off his mic.
Piper stalked off. I think I may now start worshipping Russo.
-Piper stomped backstage, looking for the PTB....and scaring the beejeezus out of some
backstage official who had such a terrified look on his face that I laughed out loud.
-Piper was outside the PTB's office...he reference a little Shakespeare...then kicked in the
door.
-He was met by Creative Control. He threatened them and warned them about touching
him. he saw Russo, commented on how this little guy has all of WCW scared.
-Then Piper went full on about how he had 30 years in the business, how he made the
business, how Bischoff was a misunderstood genius...etc.etc.etc.
-Russo then said that Piper was old, useless, worn out, a bad actor, king of the B
movies...and invited him to join Hogan and Flair in a retirement home.
-Piper responded by saying that he has a two year contract with Turner and he WILL get
paid and make appearances, or he'll sue.
-Russo said, “Fine”, then threw a Referee shirt at him. he said that Piper will be a lowly
referee now...and if he doesn't ACT like a referee...HE'LL SUE HIM!!!!
-Piper walked out...emoting like Shatner on Crack..
-all this talk about “suing”...for some reason, it makes me nervous.
-commercials
-Piper gets out of the Limo and takes off. Piper's back for another 3 months or so....happy,
happy.
-Goldberg's up to something. I'm sure, whatever it is, mortal minds could not fathom it.
-Buff Bagwell came out.
-Booker T came out. Tony said that this match was “booked by the Powers that
Be”....everything else tonight was booked by who? Roman Polanski?
-Tony plugs “Surge”...pee in a glass and play along at home
-It only went a couple of minutes, then Creative Control ran in and beat up Buff.
-Curt Hennig ran out and stopped them....then Curt attacked Bagwell too....HENNIG'S A
SELL OUT, HENNIG'S A SELL OUT!!!!!
-sigh...Bischoff is still here. Make no mistake. He has just taken other forms.
-Suddenly, the lights dimmed.
-Then Booker T's sister came out and beat up everybody.
-meanwhile, Stevie Ray's back in Harlem, cleaning windshields with a cup in hand.
-commercials
-Hennig and C & C are in Russo's office. Russo is very happy with what is transpiring.
He sends C & C to go get Juventud Guerrera (Juvee must be Hennig's reward...cute little
guy.....nicely formed booty).
-Zimanay talks to Sting. Mid card madness with Top card talent. Liz even showed up to
offer her assistance.
-Madusa came out with Even Karagias.
-Saturn came out with Asya.
-It's Madusa vs Asya
-Asya won with a head scissors.....I'm as amazed as you.
-A Comfortable Screwenay talks to Dean Malenko. Malenko's sick of Canada and all it
represents. Then set fire to the American flag. Viva La France.
-Goldberg is doing dips. Either that or he's having sex with some guy....no, I think it's
dips.
-commercials
-Malenko and Benoit get going on a Flag Match. Malenko came out wearing a Canadian
Hockey shirt and was carrying a can of gasoline.
-Benoit ripped the shirt off Malenko, then took the gas can. He walked around the ring
with it.
-Before too long, Malenko grabbed the Canuck flag and won the match. Then he jammed
the flag in a garbage pail.
-Saturn and Shane Douglas came out. Saturn took the American flag and put it in the can
too. That Commie BEERSTARD.
-Bret Hart ran out before anyone could set fire to anything. He cleared the ring. Benoit
fished out the Canadian Flag and waved it. Hart fished out the American Flag and waved
it. Bret is the HERO TO US ALL!!!!!!!!
-I'm defecting to Iraq and am gonna help Saddam nuke ALL your arses.
-Sting is backstage
-commercials
-WHEN WILL THIS SHOW END??????
-Juventud Guerrera has a present for Russo, some fine Tequila. Russo has a snort, then
spits it back in Juvee's face in disgust. He then tells C&C; to go get his toothbrush. The
audience laughs (HEY, HEY...NO JUMPING TO THE PUNCHLINE!!!)
-Juvee takes off, Tenay was later seen licking his face
-Meng ended up beating Sting after he was distracted by Luger. Sting is now jobbing to
Meng. Anyone remember when Sting was THE man here at WCW?
-Nobody can ever accuse Borden of having an ego.
-The Outsiders were walking around.
-Goldberg walked into someone's dressing room and told whoever to get ready.
-Tony, “WHO IS IN THE DRESSING RO...”
-commercials
-David Flair is backstage, destroying the piano with his crowbar. He isn't Nicholson in
The Shining...he's Jason, Freddie, Mike Myers (not Austin Powers, the Jamie Lee
Curtis dude), Leatherface, and Corey Feldman. He's those guys.
-The Outsiders come out.
-Goldberg is escorted out. He never heals anyone anymore..must be resting up for the
Millennium Crusades
-After Goldberg gets a facefull of Pyro....
-Sid Vicious comes out.....anyone NOT see this coming a mile away?
-If they REALLY wanted to fool us, they should have had Sid come out earlier and do a
bit where he STILL hates Goldberg. It would have been a bigger surprise when he came
out.
-The bell rang...Hall kicked it off with his Highness.
-Sid was tagged in to fight Hall. He tossed him around.
-Heenan, “It just keeps getting better.”
-Tony, “Yeah, this is one of the most STARTLING turn of events we've had in a LONG
time!!” He's forgiven for that.
-Sid ended up getting double teamed...the fans start chanting, “GOOOLDBERG”..bunch'a
SHEEP!!
-Goldberg was tagged in. He did his thing for a while, but he ended up taking some
bumps.
-This thing went for a few minutes, solid stuff, all the right notes were hit.
-Then Sid Powerbombed Hall, he went for the pin. The ref was too busy getting Goldberg
back in his corner.
-Nash dumped an Elbow on Sid..Hall flipped over and pinned him for the three.
-Goldberg farted out the Lightning from the Sky (huh?) and flew into a rage
-WCW Security ran out and did a pull apart.
-The show ended.
If Nitro won, it's only because Tony was cool.
Tony was cool.
Nitro wins, it's that easy.
I've got the best damn audience in the world I only rule because of you guys
This is Hyatte
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